This is all messed up! My EF wants walks in the park & gentle conversation & my wife wants it down & dirty!?

Yes, you are definitely living in bizarro world, lol! Sorry, if you didn't mean this to be funny! Do you like both sides, I mean do you feel as though you're getting what you're missing from your wife with your EF, and vice versa? Do you think your wife is a little rough around the edges and your relationship is all about ? Maybe she is lacking depth, intellectually speaking, and you feel devalued and used by her. Your emotional friend is filling in the pieces that are missing in your relationship with the wife. This seems to be working for you for the time being, but it seems like a temporary fix. Sooner or late, something will have to give. Underneath, you're not happy. Take it from one who knows.